so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
