Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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