When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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