UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Houston, we have a blender
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
