Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize