You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
