i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
