he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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