Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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