I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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