Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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