Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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