I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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