someone get that fucking seahorse.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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