I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
