im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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