so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize