After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
