do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Michael Bay diarrhea
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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