her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
