Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Bring me that man meat
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