all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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