you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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