Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
