I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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