I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
