why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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