if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
now i know why i became what i already was.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
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