I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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