maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
