Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
