My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
