How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
