I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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