Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize