i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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