First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize