I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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