Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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