and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
