i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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