Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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