She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
