Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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