life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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