you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
