I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
