You're completely useless in the revolution.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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