if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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