I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want nice things and good sex
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
