He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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