Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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