you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
