I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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