your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
