Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
