How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
