He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
whose ass print is on the piano?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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