i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
