I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
