I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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