I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
