Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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