glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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