moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
