Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Two words: blizzard sex
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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