I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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