I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
