16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Bring me that man meat
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
