I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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