he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize