pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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