I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
