soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
