I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Can you bring me the toilet please
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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