Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
