walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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