Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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