I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
