that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
