the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
