nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
