You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
time to smoke my breakfast
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
