in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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