my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
