Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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