I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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