Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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