the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
soo... how was my night?
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