some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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