I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
