did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
