I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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