3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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