So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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