I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize