i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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