You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
