Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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