and you said cock pushups were impossible
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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