chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Randomize
