Barsexuality is the new black.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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