he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
