time to smoke my breakfast
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it's like iHOP with fire
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
