I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
